Politics is high drama. It relies on the Drama Triangle to label the good guys and the bad guys and prove we are the wronged victims. We are entitled to do whatever we need to regain our stature, property, or rights. Obama used it, McCain used it. So did Napoleon, Hitler, Yamomoto, Churchill, and the Roosevelts. Sadly, they have to because it works.

Concession speeches usually fan the dying embers of their cause’s victimhood. They aim to bank the fire so it can be used to ignite the next run for office.

As Barack Obama said in his victory speech, there are few who have endured more than John McCain. I don’t know how you survive the hatred and inhumanity of nearly dying in the Hanoi Hilton. But McCain did. And he was a driving force for establishing economic and political relations with his former captors. He escaped the usually life long handicap of wallowing in his mistreatment by letting go of his victimhood and forgiving his captors.

He showed his character again last night. His concession speech was not about him or his cause. Respect and admiration for Obama were evident in his words and his actions. This is the McCain that we have known and respected for decades, whether you think he should be president or not. America made a choice. They didn’t pick him. Still, he doesn’t see himself as a victim. How many of us could say the same?

The relatable factor

It has been said of Sarah Palin that women relate to her. She is pretty, strong, and hard headed. She has a lot of qualities that we’d like our mom’s to have, and that we would like to be ourselves: confident, sure of our words, and unapologetic for our beliefs and public behaviors. She is a wife, a mother with five children and a job.

Hilary Clinton only had one child and her life was her work. They have made very different choices, and very different perceptions by the pubic.

Working moms, the media would have us believe, relate with a mom who shoots wolves from a helicopter and risks our child’s health by flying eight hours across the country after our water broke. Maybe she is more relatable and personable than Hilary.

Unfair standards

She is being judged by perhaps unfair standards, as any woman running for public office still is today. She is expected to as the song says “bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan” and still look gorgeous in the process. She does all of that. And she isn’t afraid to stand up for what she believes in either.

I think it is less that we relate with her than that we would like to be like her. Hilary seemed so severe and took the second seat next to her oh-so-charming husband. How many of us even know what Palin’s husband looks like? We like the idea that we could be all of those things and still be liked. Hilary Clinton struggled to do all of those things and still be liked. A lot of people ended up liking her, but it didn’t come easily to her. She never was gorgeous and a super mom in the way of Sarah Palin.

Good guys and bad guys

When we are in our usual mode of trying to decide who is the “good guy” and who is the “bad guy” it’s easy to confuse likable with “good”. It’s easy to confuse “like me” with “good” and “not like me” with “bad”. We all feel more comfortable with these easy categories. When we can sort people out by simple categories and selecting “good” and “bad” based on them. Funny thing is, I can understand this because it is how our brains work. But that doesn’t make for rational judgments based on the things that really matter.

The cute guy in class

I remember when I was a teen falling for the cutest guy in my class. He was funny, personable and had the best bone structure. I flushed every time he came near and longed for his attention. My entire perception of his desirability was based on how he appeared. He was in the “good” category. He ended up dropping out from ninth grade and spending, last I heard, five years in the federal penitentiary for drug dealing.

Choosing with a different part of our brain

While our primitive survival instincts will have us pick and sort based on these simple groupings… they don’t really help us in our modern world. Choosing a candidate for President of these United States must be done based on something beyond are they “like me” or not. Granted that is our instinct. But should instincts prevail in our choices? Or should we pick based on something out of our more evolved, cognitive mind?

Being able to choose to do anything based on our more evolved, higher brain functions seems imperative to me as a human being, and even more so as a citizen of a free country with a right to vote. We have a responsibility to use our choices wisely and with our more evolved brain. It changes everything.

How it seems to me

We must pick our candidate based on what they show us about what they are capable of doing and being, not just whether they are perceived as being a “good guy” “like me” or not.

What do you think?

Should we vote based on or emotional reactions? Are these valid points or am I off base? Let me know. Comment below.

Sorting out a political choice

Sorting out a political choice is confusing today – perhaps more than ever. Computer aided technology has helped get more and more clear about exactly what America wants. What we want is a centrist candidate with good morals who can be trusted to uphold the American Constitution and who will provide a solid front to foreign officials. Each party has their slant on what exactly that means. To the traditional Republican it means having someone who is for Gun’s rights and against abortion and gay marriage. To a Democrat it means someone who is willing to make social change happen at the same time managing to allow more freedoms to the individual.

“Good Guys” versus “Bad Guys”

But inside all of it the process seems to be about figuring out who is the “Good Guy” and who is the “Bad Guy”.

McCain’s choice of Palin as his running mate managed to put him more in the “Good Guy” column to a lot of women voters. Thus turning him in to a “Good Guy” for women voters looking for an avenue for women to gain access to the Oval Office.

Obama gets to be the “Good Guy” for all those people of color who have never made it to the Oval office, too. Of course, his naming Biden as his running mate made him the “Good Guy” to all those Jewish citizens who have never made it to the Oval Office either.

This race seems to be as much about who can be the best “Good Guy” for the most discriminated group as anything else. Even McCain’s age is a factor in that he will be one of the oldest presidential candidates (Reagan was 73 when he ran). Seniors are yet another disenfranchised group. Older people will see him as the poster child for growing older and still fully participating in life and the world.

As the race for the 2008 election continues we will undoubtedly hear some quickly thrown together stories about why each candidate is not really the “Good Guy” and in fact, is the “Bad Guy” we all fear.

For McCain, the issue already (pardon the pun) heating up, is the issue of his temper. He has quite a quick fuse and there are 40 videos of his temper flaring that have been viewed more than a million times.

For Obama there is the ridiculous claim that he is a Muslim “fundamentalist”. Just calling him a Muslim puts him into the “Bad Guy” category for many ignorant voters thinking that Muslim equates with terrorism. (The Muslim faith has many of the same basic tenets as the Christian faith and neither are proponents of murder and terror).

What is behind this simplification?

So what is up with this need to find a “Good Guy” or a “Bad Guy” all the time? I think its part of how our brains are wired. We have to assess a potential threat with the knowledge of what is “Good” and what is “Bad” so that we can quickly determine the right course of action. It’s a primitive response that comes from our old brain, the part of our brain that is similar in structure to reptiles. The impulse is: if it’s a threat to us it is “Bad” if it is safe it is “Good”. So we view threats this way. Swing voters go back and forth looking to figure out who is this weeks “Good Guy” and “Bad Guy”. The “Swift Boaters” of the last election were able to sway this group to win the election for George Bush. Now, I wasn’t a big Kerry fan, but now who is the “Bad Guy”?

The important take-away

The important thing I hope you will take away from this tirade is that simply allowing or primitive reactions and looking for the simple “Good Guy” versus “Bad Guy” decision making process can get us all in a world of mess. (Look what happened the last time!) We need to use our higher brain functions, put on our thinking caps and make decisions based on the real issues and not whether one is perceived at this moment in history as a “Good Guy” or a “Bad Guy” in whatever category we are interested. Getting out of the black and white (no political reference intended) changes everything!

It's an illusion!

The “Good Guy, Bad Guy” image is all illusion anyway, that should be clear by now, manipulated by the media and each man’s political campaign. Dig deeper, discover for yourself what makes each of these clearly GOOD men tick. Choose based on whether you fundamentally agree with what one of them is saying they believe, and how they have VOTED in the past. Look at the things they have done, not just what they say, and make a choice based on how closely they match your values. Don’t allow the media’s appeal to our reptilian brain dictate your thinking. You are smarter than that!

Comments Please!

Let me know how you see it. Have you seen the “Good Guy/Bad Guy” thing happening in other areas? I’d love to hear what you think. Comment below.

Searching out the bad guys

Who’s to blame? That’s what we all want to know isn’t it. When something goes wrong our primitive nature seeks out the source of the crime. We want to know who or what is to blame so that we can put the whole issue to rest. Whatever the issue.

Last weeks Newsweek contained an article by Stuart Taylor Jr. about how looking for blame in regard to the problem of torturing suspected war criminals in the United States military over the past seven years cannot be approached this way. He has gotten some flack from readers about his no blame approach. But I think he is 100% correct.

The pattern of blame

When we spend all our time in search of the bad guy, trying to figure out who should go to jail, who should be prosecuted. People always automatically go into Self-Protector mode. This causes anyone involved to go behind a veil of silence, protecting them from possible trouble that could result if they were to come clean.

At this point the government has prosecuted only those at the lowest level of the abuse; those acting under orders in an atmosphere encouraging such behavior.

Should they have known better?

Sure, but then again, so should those prosecuting them.

The problem, as Taylor points out, is a systemic problem that cannot be solved merely by pointing fingers. In fact as those involved fear for their freedom and their careers will band together to protect themselves from harm. Wouldn’t you?

Our survival nuture

It is our nature, when under attack, to fight for our survival. The problem is that because we live in a world where nothing exists except Self-Protectors, Victims and Rescuers then Taylor must be seen as a Rescuer. Victims don’t like Rescuers who are rescuing the perceived perpetrator.

Is this Rescuing?

Rescuing is when you take over, with no respect for the other, and hold them irresponsible for their deeds. This is NOT what Taylor is calling for at all.

Taylor’s premise is that we must examine the problem from inside the system, recognizing that something went wrong in the system and holding each person accountable for their part, but not to “blame”. Giving everyone involved immunity allows us to step back and look at the whole problem of how this travesty occurred in our supposedly “free” American society.

Any other approach leads to more secrecy, more scapegoats, and more travesties.

Practicing Compassion

Coming from a compassionate place where we recognize that within a system where abuse is as normal as eating, finding blame is useless. It’s like the whole dysfunctional family trend of the early ‘90’s. We’re miserable, so who’s to blame? Why our parents of course! Anyone who survived this period of time in psychotherapy will attest to what this cost them personally within their family systems.

Practicing compassion means holding people accountable without blaming them for the entire blame. Certainly no one person made the decision to allow the kinds of tortures we have read about since the beginning of the Afghanistan and Iraq wars. Respecting that each person within the system did what they thought was correct, legal actions at the time; we allow them to speak of how the horrors came to be. We have empathy for how difficult it might have been to have broken from the status quo to protest. In doing this own that what happened should not have happened and take ownership of preventing any further, similar horrors to occur.

Compassion requires allow us to be human beings. It allows us to make mistakes, yet holds us accountable for our behavior. It changes how we perceive everything.

Should we pursue the bad guys

What do you think? Am I off base? Is Taylor? I know some of you have to be irate at the thought of “letting them off” for such awful deeds. Tell me what you think. Comment below.

The Cycles and Teachers

Today I talked to a group of teachers about how the Cycles can work for them in their classrooms, with their administrators and within their own families. I was touched to tears as I told them of an experience I had with my Third Grade teacher, Agnes Conner who recognized the pain I was in and began helping me see value in myself. She did it incrementally, respectfully, empathetically allowing me to see that there was something in this life for me.

As I talked to them I realized what a hard job they have. Now, understand, I come from a family of teachers and know how hard they work and how little they get financially compensated for the most important job in the world next to parenting (also not financially compensated for). But today I thought about the task of trying to model the Cycles path for their students and with administrators whom have lost sight of their real task. One woman talked about how the current head of the Houston school district was hired after having bankrupt Corpus Christie’s school district. This administrator increased his own salary by 9%, she said, and then he told all the teachers in the district not to expect any raises in from 3-5 years. Next he started building stadiums and new schools and laying off teachers. Talk about failing to take ownership of the realities of the needs of the district!

Are the Cycles “Christian based?”

But in the middle of her frustration she turned to me and said “This is not Christian based is it?” I had ask why she asked that question. She said it is because at some point in my presentation she got chills and it sank in that the Cycles of the Heart is exactly what Christ taught. I hugged her and thanked her for seeing the heart of the model so clearly.

The practice of Compassion is more than understanding the words.

My Spiritual Path

I remember an experience I had at the age of 13. I had been exploring Christianity since I was nine, having walked across the street to the United Methodist Church to attend Sunday School by myself because my family didn’t attend, though my Mom said we were “Methodists”. By 13 I had developed a healthy spiritual life of my own and had read the Bible and learned to pray in a way that felt connected and had a real relationship with Jesus and God. One morning after a long prayer session I suddenly felt a calling to be a minister. I thought, “I’m a girl! And I’m only 13! How is that supposed to happen?”

Well, I did what I could. By this point I had really gotten a sense of what God is and that I could take it literally that “God is Love” as Jesus so often told. It became a sort of mission for me to express this newfound wisdom with the people I knew.

An opportunity arose for me to share this with my Sunday school class. Each of us were assigned to be in charge of a lesson for the class. One week a boy in the class brought popular music and talked about how this music drove people to use drugs and about how, as Christians we could not let the music induce us into that world. I was inspired to teach my lesson of love. I brought in some great popular music at the time about love. I don’t recall what songs I used, but it was 1969 so there was no shortage of music about love. I wrote a slew of poetry expressing my own feelings about the importance of and need for, Love in our lives. I dimmed the lights, lit incense, played the music and read my poetry. The room was filled with titters and inattentiveness. Of course, in retrospect I am certain these 13, 14 and 15 year olds could not yet hear what I was trying to communicate.

Teaching something foriegn

This is of course what the middle and high school teachers I talked to this morning are dealing with themselves. But now, unlike then, I understand the blocks to being able to express love and to be compassionate. The Cycles of the Heart is a model that clearly lays out a path to being able to practice the compassion that Christ, Budda, Mohamed, the Dali Lama and all the other great Spiritual teachers have taught. So I guess, as it turns out I am a “minister” of sorts, teaching people compassion.

The greatest Spiritual goal

It is the practical application of how to achieve the greatest Spiritual goal of being a compassionate person. Understanding the Cycles of the Heart and practicing it inside of ourselves and outside of ourselves in our relationships, in our workplace, our communities and in our world we really can “change everything!”

What do you think?

I know I have not blogged in a while. I’ve been going through some re-grouping of my life and professional direction in the past couple of weeks. It has not been easy and will not be an easy change, but it is absolutely what is right for me and ultimately, everyone.

I’d love to hear from you. Tell me what you think about what you know about the power of compassion or how you have applied the Cycles of the Heart to your life.

Politicians love drama and no one enjoys it more than Jesse Jackson. Drama loves a victim, a bad guy, and a hero to make everything better. Politicians like to cast their constituents as victims of some other politician and cast themselves as the hero. It motivates crowds and marshals armies. It even gets out the vote.

You said it!

Obama’s father’s day appeal to black men struck a cord with me. He said "They have abandoned their responsibilities, acting like boys instead of men. And the foundations of our families are weaker because of it,"

Obama took the risk to speak up

His call to black men is for them to take ownership of the conditions in which they find themselves. He is not attacking them for their failures, as much as pointing out that the only way anything will change is for us to take ownership of the things we can. He goes on to say, "We can't simply write these problems off to past injustices. Those injustices are real. There's a reason our families are in disrepair ... but we can't keep using that as an excuse."

The Victim role

What he is saying is that staying in the Victim role and complaining about the injustices in our country does not empower anyone. He says, making the choice “to demand the best from themselves and their children” is what is called for, not staying in the Victim place and blaming society for all the problems.

Ownership

I have not always been sure I agree with what Obama has to say, but this time I am sure. I like hearing from someone in power recognizing that all of us, no matter how downtrodden, have the power to take Ownership of their lives and circumstances. You have no idea how many of my clients who have been badly abused feel trapped and unable to take Ownership of their lives because of the injustices they have suffered. Any time you believe you have no choices and that you are trapped in a condition beyond your control you are in the Victim role.

Taking Ownership by “demanding the best” from ourselves and our children truly changes everything.

What do you think?

Is Obama right in his call to black fathers? Is this not true for all of us?

Comment below.

Government investigation

CNN had a report this morning that the government announced on Thursday there is to be a wide ranging probe into oil price manipulation and said it would get more information on the effect investors are having on the market. This is to be undertaken by the Commodity Futures Trading Commission

"There is a theory that the price of crude oil is being driven up not by supply and demand principles, but by speculators using what are called dark markets, markets that can't be watched by the public or regulators, to manipulate the price of crude," said Michael Greenberger, a professor at the University of Maryland and a former CFTC official.

Victim of what?

I don’t know about you my instinct when things look foul is to look for someone to blame. I’d love to blame the oil companies or oil speculators or anyone convenient. And, it’s easy to see how we could lay blame on some of them. After all, in my lifetime I have never seen gas prices go up so dramatically without some kind of associated shortage.

Shortages?

Gas prices went up in the late 70’s and we had long gas lines, stations running out of gas and we could only buy gas on certain days in order to manage the shortage. It was scary. But not as scary as gas prices over the $5 mark, which is sure to come before the end of summer.

So what does explain this insane leap in oil prices? Even the government can’t account for it. I mean, sure, former third world countries with huge populations (China and India) could account for increased demand. That would surely create some shortage and make it harder to get enough wouldn’t it, along with the increased prices? But we aren’t seeing shortages: only increased prices.

But I AM a Victim!

I do feel like a victim in this regard since I have no power to even understand what is happening with our gasoline prices. But, if I were to admit my part in all this I would admit to not having bought a hybrid yet. I could also say that I only just last week saw “Who Killed the Electric Car?”.

Owning our part

As Americans we have been sitting idly by as our planet has gotten in worse and worse condition, driving our Hummers and watching our video games with little real attention paid to the cost of carbon-fuel. If we are to own our part in this current situation we have to recognize that we are not victims. We all have some responsibility in our dependence on oil. The electric car can and should have been made available to the public, but we didn’t demand it, we just kept buying bigger cars; even when we knew better.

What can we do?

Rather than looking for the government to rescue us from the big bad oil companies we need to organize ourselves in a way that puts our resources into finding alternative, clean energy sources. Cars powered by electricity coming from windmills or thermal power? Now that could be clean energy. Maybe even nuclear power. More plants is a possibility. Let’s put our focus on what we can do rather than “woe is me!” Victim stuff. Now, that could change everything.

Comments?

What do you think? Do you have any ideas on this topic? Let me know what you think. Comment below.

Blame, blame whose got the blame?

There was a story on CNN this morning about a dozen police officers beating 3 bound “suspects”. This was apparently caught on video so there is no question of what they did. Community leaders are going at it trying to place the blame. Some are blaming it on race, saying the police officers beat them because they are black. Local appear to agree because they claim this happens all the time. The police claim that stress is to blame. The officers involved had just lost one of their own that had been slaughtered on the streets on Saturday. One of their spokesmen claim the murder set the officers up to lose it on the men they were arresting.

Fear

When we understand that fear is always underneath these outbursts it changes everything. The men they arrested had just opened fire on a crowd and this is why the police arrested them in the first place. I can only imagine the adrenalin rush going through these officers after having witnessed this kind of an attack. Granted, they are supposed to be well trained enough to avoid such a travesty, but fear is a primal reaction that often has nothing to do with how we have been trained or even what we believe to be appropriate behavior.

Odds are, the men they arrested were behaving the way they did out of fear as well. I don’t know if they were gang members, but they likely were. Gangs operate entirely out of fear. The whole basis of belonging to a gang is fear. The members are recruited out of fear. When someone is being recruited the gang terrorizes them into joining, then terrorizes them to keep them from leaving. Yet being a member of a gang puts them at risk for attack by opposing gangs, thereby increasing the members fears. Undoubtedly their opening fire on the crowd was motivated by this fear. Perhaps there was gang member from an opposing gang in the crowd who had promised to kill one of the shooters gang members.

Lessons from Iraq

Perhaps we should be learning from General Patraeus in Iraq. He understands that you can’t win a war on tribesmen by going in and blasting them to hell. We have to look at gangs in the exact same way. They are exactly like opposing tribes and if we don’t look at changing the system, in the way General Patraeus is doing, we will continue to have to deal with the kind of horrors highlighted by this attack in Philly.

Compassion

Compassion means letting go of blame. And I don’t mean standing by while people continue to hurt each other – we have to take ownership and protect ourselves and others from people who are afraid and out of control. But we stop the violence with compassion. We take ownership of the need for protection from their violent behavior, but we do it respectfully and with empathy. We recognize that they are afraid and that they are dealing with it in the only way they know how. We respect that they are doing the best they can, in spite of the awfulness of their behavior. We don’t blame them for their fear, we empathize with it and do our best to take ownership of the situation; meaning we try to change whatever it is that is causing the problems.

How do you see it?

This is what General Patraeus is doing. We desperately need to apply the same things to the wars happening everyday here at home. What do you think? Should we just round up all the “bad guys” and put them in jail or should we try to understand what is happening in the bigger picture and address the real problems? Comment below.