What happens when a parents authority is blatantly being challenged by the newly found independance of a todler? What is a parent supposed to do? She didn't hit her, she just blasted her with high powered water and didn't even leave any marks on the child. Of course, seeing the video recording was startling to see, because the child was obviously upset by it, and it could have potentially hurt her. Naturally Child Protective Services was called in, but what could they do? The child was not physically wounded.

So was this appropriate? That depends on how you view children. What is the nature of a child anyway? Are children incomplete adults? Are they extensions of ourselves that need to be kept under control?

Raising a child is a challenge.

I raised or helpd raise six of them, three of my own and three step children. Believe me some of them challenged my authority on a regluar basis. Trying to be an authority to a child determined to be in charge of their own life is a difficulty. That is, unless you recogize their right to be in charge of their own life. Kids need us to guide them, not run them. Yet because we were "run" ourselves, because our parents taught us that children were "to be seen and not heard" - that's what what we teach our children. But what does this do to a child?

What it does is to teach a chld that they don't matter. It teaches them to disconnect from their own instincts, to lose touch with what they feel, think and how they see things. Children have delightful ways of looking at the world that are untainted by the culture and our media. When we allow them to express their own ways of being in the world.

Obviously we have to keep them safe and teach them about the world and to understand the price of things. Teaching them is not the same thing as "controlling them".

How do you feel when someone tries to control you?

Personally, I hate it and tend to try to get away from that person as soon as possible. What I have observed in kids is that if they have a parent that believes parenting requires controlling the child; the chld does all they can to get away from that parent as soon as they can. That doesn't mean they don't love their parents; it does mean they don't like how it feels to be around them.
Parents attempting to control their children through over protecting them, or forcing compliance on them with brut force and "authority" are locked into a set of rules, rather than being able to be present with their children. The child then is victim to the parents attempts at control and they feel all the things a victim does. They feel powerless, despairing, trapped, incapable and depressed.

So, well, I turned out okay....

You might question this assesment, if you think that most people raised this way turned out okay. But the reality is that drug addiction and depression are on the rise, as are anxiety disorders and attention deficit disorder. The divorce rate has finally eased some, but it's still at more than fifty percent. Children raised in an environment where they were respected as complete human beings are not so likely to end up divorced, depressed and drug addicted.

We can parent differently. We can have different attitudes toward children. When we start recognizing their wholeness rather than seeing them as sub-human deserving of little to no respect, we can start honoring their spirit and raising adults who can believe in themselves. Now, THAT really does change everything.

Let me know what you think

Child rearing is a delicate subject. When I was growing up you never said anything to anyone about how they were raising their child. It was as off limits as religion and politics. Now I am addressing this touchy issue. I'm sure you have your own opionion. I'd love to hear it. Comment below.