Saying Im Sorry Is Hard#
by Melody Brooke, MA, Conflict Coach, Motivational Speaker
Gracefully confronting someone with a wrong, and navigating an apology can be very tricky, and very painful. Recognizing the difficulty of the action while at the same time honoring our own need to hear it, is the trick.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010 1:29:08 AM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) #    Comments [1]  | 
Tiger Woods Brain#
by Melody Brooke, MA, Conflict Coach, Motivational Speaker
Wow, Tiger lost it. We have come to expect him to be able to soothe his primitive brain... but he hasn't made the connection between what happens with his wife and he and golfing.
Monday, November 30, 2009 12:14:56 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) #    Comments [0]  | 
San Diego Plane Crash Victim's Amazing Compassion#
by Melody Brooke, MA, Conflict Coach, Motivational Speaker
A young Korean man lost his entire new family in an instant and holds no blame or revenge for the perpetrator of the incident. What does it take to do this?
Wednesday, December 10, 2008 5:30:16 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) #    Comments [1]  | 
Enemies a Love Story#
by Melody Brooke, MA, Conflict Coach, Motivational Speaker
Should you stay or should you go? It's a daily question. Not just a relationship end point question. When you think about your partner as the enemy have you already left the relationship?
Tuesday, September 23, 2008 7:39:31 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) #    Comments [0]  | 
Primitive Reactivity Prevails in Olsteen Lawsuit#
by Melody Brooke, MA, Conflict Coach, Motivational Speaker
Joel Olsteen's beautiful wife Victoria got her feathers ruffled on a flight in Houston and now she is on trial. Now she is getting flap for being "un-Christian" is this fair?
Thursday, August 07, 2008 2:16:36 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) #    Comments [2]  | 
Why the Rush? Five Killed by Speeder#
by Melody Brooke, MA, Conflict Coach, Motivational Speaker
Five people were killed as a result of "bad choices". We all make them, but why? Understanding how we get caught in the Cycle of Egocentrism can help us sort it out.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008 2:02:12 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) #    Comments [0]  | 
Conflict in the Workplace#
by Melody Brooke, MA, Conflict Coach, Motivational Speaker
Workplace conflict is a costly and time consuming issue for any company. Understanding how to avoid it is more than just learning rules and steps. Making a paradigm shift can transform conflict at work.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008 4:38:36 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) #    Comments [0]  | 
Bloody Chicago#
by Melody Brooke, MA, Conflict Coach, Motivational Speaker
How can we explain the kind of bloody horror occurring in the streets of Chicago? Getting caught up in the Cycle of Egocentrism is a deadly business. Are we any different?
Tuesday, April 22, 2008 7:48:30 AM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) #    Comments [2]  | 
Good Girls Acting Badly#
by Melody Brooke, MA, Conflict Coach, Motivational Speaker
When women feel like a victim there is no telling how they can react these days. Actress Teri Garr is a role model for bad behavior.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008 10:15:21 AM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) #    Comments [0]  | 
Don't Hold Back Your Anger#
by Melody Brooke, MA, Conflict Coach, Motivational Speaker
Wow. Its official. Expressing our anger helps us live longer. But does that mean it's okay to dump our rage on people?
Thursday, March 27, 2008 9:45:53 AM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) #    Comments [2]  | 
England's Child Abuse Horror by Melody Brooke, Author, Conflict Coach#
by Melody Brooke, MA, Conflict Coach, Motivational Speaker
Discovery of nightmarish abuse in England brings to question whether this happens in the U.S. It has been uncovered here, but then swept under the rug. What happens when we set ourselves up to look for "the bad-guys"? Is that what they really are?
Tuesday, March 04, 2008 9:10:48 AM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) #    Comments [0]  | 
Domestic Violence and Men by Melody Brooke, Conflict Coach, Counselor, Motivational Speaker#
by Melody Brooke, MA, Conflict Coach, Motivational Speaker
What is the answer to domestic violence? Is it locking up all those "evil s.o.b.s"? What if we, as women took our power back by not keeping ourselves stuck in the "victim role?
Sunday, March 02, 2008 7:02:08 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) #    Comments [0]  | 
"Not the Steven I Knew" by Melody Brooke, Conflict Coach, Motivational Speaker#
by Melody Brooke, MA, Conflict Coach, Motivational Speaker
Jessica Baty, the girlfriend of NIU shooter Steven Kazmierczak says her boyfriend was not a monster and she still loves him. How can someone display such radical personality changes?
Tuesday, February 19, 2008 10:16:40 AM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) #    Comments [2]  | 
Split Illinois Shooter by Melody Brooke, MA, LPC, Author, Conflict Coach#
by Melody Brooke, MA, Conflict Coach, Motivational Speaker
Kazmierczak Dissociatve?
The details about this man who shot 20 people and left 7 dead are beginning to unravel.  This mornings AP article talked about the contradictions in his behavior.  They sound, in my experience, very much like those of a Dissociative Identity Disordered individual.
Evidence?
Kazmierczak was hospitalized in the past, for what condition we don't know. One of the issues he dealt with is that he didn't like staying on his meds.  Many DID clients are mistakenly given anti-psychotic medications which cause them side effects and are inneffective in managing symptoms.  Voices that come from being split into alter personalities cannot be silenced by drugs.
Another issue he struggled with was self harm, a common symptom of DID.  Reportedly he was a "cutter" (someon who cuts themselves).  "Cutters" do this in an effort to manage internal pain. Our bodies release endorphins when we are injured and these endorphins coursing through our system relieve pain in much the same way opiates do.  This is one of the reason's it is so difficult to stop "cutters" from cutting.  It becomes quite addictive.
Kazmierczak's pain
Most of the people who knew him had little to say about him that sounded like he was suffering in any way.  They saw him as a nice guy, though some suggested he struggled with intimacy problems.  He had a girlfriend who reports say he sometimes engaged in physical altercations with, though it never involved hitting.  He would physically restrain her during arguments.
The night befoe the shootings he talked with his uncle making plans for playing a game of chess with him.  None of this sounds like someone in psychological distress.  Though there are reports of his possibly haven broken up with his girlfriend.
What could have happened to him?
It's doubtful that we will ever know what happened to him to have created the kind of turmoil he was clearly experiencing. Family's of these type of perpetrators rarely admit to having knowledge of their having been abused in any way. Why would they want to acknowledge what they might have done to contribute to these people's horrific behaviors?
Cho Seung-hui, the gunman who killed 32 students at West Virginia Tech, had sent many more clues as to his misery. He was reportedly on anti-psychotics and also had been hospitalized for mental illness in the past.  But his writings certainly indicated trauma history.  He wrote repeatedly suggestive statements of his having been sexually abused, and his intense anger about it. Could he have been split, too? It's not so clear with him since his behavior was more consistent with the profile of someone who would do this sort of thing. But he was certainly suffering from some kind of traumatic history.
Traumatic splitting
Traumatic splitting occurs, generally in childhood, when a person is subjected to some kind of traumatic incident that is overwhelming to the child. While the trauma is happening the child energetically leaves their body, looking down on themselves as if from above.  They then look at the child being traumatized as being separate from them, as if it were happening to someone else.  This kind of splitting, when it occurs frequently enough, becomes DID. At least, that is one of the paths to the disorder.



The faces of evil or the faces of pain?
Looking at these facese is spooky, perhaps because we know what happened to the person behind those eyes. But even without having known what these men did, we could easily see that something is missing in their eyes. Could it be dissociation? Could these hollow expressions carry the blankness of one's mind being split so completely as to carry out such horrific behaviors? Let me know what you think when you see these faces.  Could this kind of pain be behind the attacks? Comment below.



Sunday, February 17, 2008 10:17:20 AM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) #    Comments [1]  | 
Blame seems to have started this tragedy, and it appears to be the defenses case as well. What does blame do and why do we engage in it?
Friday, February 08, 2008 8:29:23 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) #    Comments [0]  | 
Ethnic Fear Fuels More Kenya Violence#
by Melody Brooke, MA, Conflict Coach, Motivational Speaker
What is it really that drives this kind of violence? Calling it hatred makes it something we cannot relate with doesn't it? But when we recognize the fear driving it, suddenly it's something we can understand.
Monday, January 28, 2008 11:10:57 AM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) #    Comments [1]  | 
Why Did Mark Jenson Murder his Wife?#
by Melody Brooke, MA, Conflict Coach, Motivational Speaker
Understanding why someone would do something so heartless as to murder his wife and "hi-5" his son afterwards is difficult. There has to be more to the story than we can really know.
Thursday, January 24, 2008 4:07:04 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) #    Comments [0]  | 
Iran Threatens Security#
by Melody Brooke, MA, Conflict Coach, Motivational Speaker
The big news this morning is that Iran is a threat to our security. How do we handle threats to our security both on a National scale and a personal scale? Are there other options than reactive "fight or flight?
Sunday, January 13, 2008 8:09:52 AM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) #    Comments [0]  | 
What's your problem with anger?#
by Melody Brooke, MA, Conflict Coach, Motivational Speaker
Discussion about how anger phobia keeps people from getting close to each other and destroys any real chance for intimacy.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007 3:36:07 PM (Central Standard Time, UTC-06:00) #    Comments [0]  | 
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